Dads

Traditionally we are told that men want sex all the time or so the thinking goes but it’s ok if you aren’t sure if you want to do it. There are several reasons why you might not and it is more common than you may think. The best thing to do it talk about it and see if she shares your concerns. You have just had a baby together and so whether you like it or not you are going to have to converse over a number of issues, if you haven’t shared before now is as good a time as any to start.
We have spoken to a few men on this topic and have been pleased to discover that most of you are sensitive and understanding and are more than prepared to wait for as long as it takes.
If you have been waiting for a long time, well done. How can you make her feel loved, secure and desirable? You may think that having a baby with her would have that security but having a baby does all sorts to a woman hormonally and although you’ve probably been hearing that all your life it isn’t an excuse. Emotionally she needs you just as much as that little baby you both made. Ways to win the best partner in the world award include; make breakfast in bed; take the baby out for a walk without mum, tell her she looks stunning, do the morning nappy with fuss or question. All these things serve to make her feel loved and wanted.
Decide, what do you want out of this new relationship. If you are content to wait and take it at her pace then fine. Maybe you need to speed things along or at least initiate the conversation about when you will both be ready. Chances are that you have gone back to work, you get the head space to leave baby world behind and this is very important for both of you. The result is that you can see a little more clearly at times, don’t go getting any funny ideas that you are right, men never are remember, but it is true that you can see some of the problems arising. If necessary you should be thinking of ways to help your partner get the headspace she needs to. Somehow you need to find a way to go out together, without the baby. For some people that is a lot easier said than done but try, you’ll all benefit from it.



The likely hood of you getting your end away is going to be greatly reduced if she is warmed up. Romance may feel like a lot of effort for a very tired man to muster but give it a go. You know what she likes what will make her feel special. One woman felt that the most romantic thing her man could do was buy her chocolate on his way home from work, this meant getting off the bus one stop earlier but that extra bit of effort made her feel loved and spoilt. Many others went the traditional route of flowers but all women agreed that well chosen and sincere compliments were a real turn on. Perhaps you could text her during the day not asking a bout the baby but about her and let her know that she is wonderful. You are both going through a massive change in your lives and it is understandable that it is very easy to forget one another in the process. By spending a little of your time concentrating on your relationship with each other you can build on this experience. Don’t panic if you resent the baby a little bit for taking away your freedom, partner and life. They say Dada first for a reason, to get you on side and remind you that you are just as important as mum and they need you. When all these factors come together and you get the time, you’re not exhausted and the visitors have gone then make your move, be it the talk, the massage oil or the wink wink…

When you do get the chance, take it nice and slow. She will be nervous about the changes to her body and you don’t want this first chance taken up with ooh, ow, no, stop. There may be some false starts too, the baby might wake, she may not want to go all the way but patience will be the virtue you both need. Let her be in control at first because it is important that this is as enjoyable as possible. Please be advised that it is best not to squeeze her boobs. If your partner has been or is still breast-feeding then this area of their body has a new function and not one they are associating with sex. Their nipples may not as sensitive as they once were, don’t let the yells of ooh, oww when a little tooth from your beloved child bites down, fool you into thinking they are. Giving them an attentive fondle may result in a fair amount of milk coming out too. But this doesn’t mean you leave that area alone completely and treat it as if it has disappeared completely. Gentle kisses around the area and soft nuzzling can me very nice. Just don’t suck.