Start with yourself.

You have gone through the birth and the first few deliriously happy and horrifying moments of parenthood and even though you've got maternity pads, breast pads, the muslins and the nice nightie to wear over night if you have had to stay in, you didn’t realise that the mother of all periods was going to come. And this comes no matter what type of birth you’ve had so along with sore bits and swollen boobs you have that massive pad between you legs soaking up what’s left behind. Lovely.
Sex will be the last thing on your mind and with the maddening onset of night feeds and paranoia that your baby isn’t breathing your partner isn’t likely to be thinking about sex either. But when you do there may be some fears and worries and of course that is completely natural. You are normal.
So where do you start? If you are a woman who knows her self-back to front and have charted the changes your body has taken with scientific accuracy then you will know when you are ready to jump back in the sack. For many new mums it has all been a bit of a whirl and you haven’t been thinking about yourself very much at all. Before you decide to let the love of your life (probably the father of your child but not necessarily) into your secret garden you may feel you need to remind yourself what’s going on down there. With a huge bump on the front for the last memorable months you may not have even remember what it looks like and with all the yummy mummy intentions of going to a beauty salon to get a short back and sides to clearly out the window with the onslaught of aunties and other close relative wanting a peek at your adorable new arrival you may need to give yourself a little trim with that old pair of hair dressing scissors you took from your mums when you left or even the kitchen scissors, just give em a wipe no one will know. If your man has a beard trimmer we recommend this as a quick solution too, don’t set it too low otherwise you will look a little odd and it’ll be too scratchy and importantly don’t tell him; for some reason they can be a bit touchy about the idea of you using it on your beard! You could even have a go at waxing the edges or the trusty razor. Why bother? Because if you feel that you are in control of the packaging it may add to your confidence level and for the first time post birth confidence is necessary. To look or not look. There have been some major events down there and it’s bound to have taken its toll. You may have never looked before and so why start now.

Masturbation is a good way of finding out if you are ready for penetrative sex. If you have never tried this either then you deserve and owe it to yourself to try. You may have squeezed a bay out of there but the resilience means that now the idea of a penis brings tears to your eyes, even with a smaller than average one. So try with a finger, have a tentative touch and help yourself to relax about the possibility. Part of the issue here is, as with all teaching situations you’ll be better at imparting your knowledge if you have some experience yourself. Masturbation is another confidence builder; it helps you to understand what you are going to enjoy, when too much will be too much and remind you why sex is fun. Some women find that using their fingers is the best way other just can’t quite get rid of the why am we doing it to myself sensation. Either way why not get yourself a vibrator. Personally we don’t like the rabbit, it puts me off but some women swear by them. we would recommend a plain, slim variable speed variety that you can start off slowly with and build up to your climax with it. The smooth ones are also less likely to catch on you in anyway. You can also use it simply on your clitoris until you climax and it’s a good size to gently slide into yourself when you feel ready. This will help you gage if you are ready to accommodate the real thing. As we discuss later, lubricant is a good plan while your experimenting here. Although quite an obvious point avoid lubricants that have any perfume or spermicide in them for now as your skin is still likely to be very sensitive. If you don’t feel like you are the go it alone type the use it with your partner, let him help you try things out. We bet it turns him on. And if it does turn into a full on session and he has had as little personal time as you have had your first go at ‘relations’ will probably be over quite quickly so this way you both get to climax and if you’ve build up enough courage to have a go you want to reach the finishing line, don’t you.

After the initial miracle, and the elation it brings, you’ll take off those rose tinted spectacles and look in the mirror with horror! You’ll probably think you look like something out of Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ with sags, bags, aches and unidentifiable body pieces everywhere you look. If you’re thinking “blimey, it’s not quite that bad!” then, congratulations, you have positive mental attitude! So first things first some ideas to tap into your inner feline
Get smooth – if like most of us being pampered means 30min in the bath, spend those 30min with a warm bath, add some moisturising bath soak.